Top 10 Most Anabolic Foods As Endorsed By Metamorphosis HQ

1. Stroopwafels

The Dutch town of Gouda has given the world fantastic cheese, but also the world’s most anabolic cookie ever made. For the uncultured, the Stroopwafel is two wafer cookies bound by a layer of caramel. The Stroopwafel makes the list as a perfect pre or post workout snack; for its transportability and convenience; for its delicious taste and a symbolic representation of the culture of the largest humans on the planet. Consider consuming 3-4 post workout.

2. Woolworths Creamed Rice

Cream of Rice is a well known fuel for body builders for generations. Delicious, high GI carbohydrates post workout are ideal for the replenishment of glycogen stores. Spike your insulin through the roof by purchasing a Woolworths’ $1 Can (it must be this brand as other brands are expensive, yet poor in taste) and eating the entire thing after leaving the gym with a massive delt pump. Shout outs to Rob Jackson.

3. Red Tractor Creamy Oats

I’ve been a fan of oats for years. Red Tractor Oats have been my favourite recently, as it ensures adequate protein intake at breakfast (which is perhaps, the only shortcoming of typical oats). If you want to build a tractor ass engine, consume the tractor oats and devour at least 100-150g for breakfast.

4. The Complete Dairy Milk

I don’t know how or why, but this milk has double the protein of most milk brands without a compensation of taste or cost. Complete dairy, complete deltoid development.

5. Max Charge Cereal

With the cost being half of its inferior competitor, Nutri Grain, it means you can double your intake guilt free if you’re as frugal as I. Max Charge your workouts.

6. Peanut Butter Jelly Sandwiches

In 2017, Baxter Holmes wrote an article for ESPN titled: “The NBA’s Secret Addiction”. The story is about the pregame ritual passed through the ages of pre-game PB&J. Fat, sugar and fullness. If it’s good enough for Kevin Garnett, it’s good enough for you.

7. Honey

Nectar of the gods. Suckle from the teat and replenish the glycogen. Rick Boogs.

8. French Toast

The most anabolic of all breads. Make it with Helgas to double down on protein intake. May be a good vessel for fruit if you’re not inclined towards health.

9. An entire German Bakery

Bring 2-5 Euros and go bonkers. Make sure to drink your coffee beforehand because coffee standards at this establishment are guaranteed to be awful. Personal recommendations are Quarkballchen and Zimtschnecken.

10. Quiche

Eggs, vegetables and pastry. Say no more.